Day One

I'm getting ready to leave the house to go and have my first counselling appointment.  I feel so anxious.

The lady I'm going to see is lovely.  I saw her last week for my "evaluation" appointment. That isn't the right word, but you know what I mean. 

My head feels so... disorganised (more so than usual, before anyone makes any comments!).  These last few weeks whilst I've not been in work, I've been focusing on doing one or two tasks per day and, in the main, that's been ok. Some days, I simply haven't been arsed to do whatever task I'd given myself.  I've done well avoiding sleeping in the day and my sleeping at night is improving.  My jaw clenching still happens and that really annoys me. 

I think not being in work the last few weeks has eased my worries about redundancy.  I have made SUCH a concerted effort to not think about it a single bit and I've done well. Even when we were in Manchester last weekend, I walked right past the place I work and didn't even look at it. In fact, the only time I did look at it was when my son asked which building I work in.

I bank with the people I work for and I've had an email notification that there will be "planned maintenance" for an extended period this coming weekend. I know that if all goes well for them, that is a huge step towards my redundancy happening.  A few times I've thought about contacting people in work to ask how it's going, but I've not done it and I think I feel better for not doing it.  The way I feel now, if I got a phone call today telling me that I was being made redundant, I'd be delighted.

I've spoken to the Headteacher at the school where I am a governor and told him that I am going to continue to be the interim Chair of Governors for another month. An election has been arranged to arrange a successor. 

Right - time for me to go to my appointment.  

Goodbye....