The Balance

Hi there.

My blogging has slowed down somewhat over the last week.  I have struggled with feeling disconnected from myself this week. I spoke with my GP about it and she suggested I lower the dose of medication I'm taking by skipping every other day.  I implemented that strategy immediately and it seems to be going ok so far!

I've been keeping myself busy this week by chipping away at finishing the bar counter at home. On Thursday night, my wife and I were chatting with some friends of ours and we made a spur of the moment decision to invite them and their son (who is almost the same age as ours) to come and stay with us on Friday night. I knew I was close to finishing the bar, so figured it would be ok.

Friday morning came, and I made a start. I paused mid morning to visit my GP for what has become my regular weekly appointment.  I have to say, I am so incredibly grateful to her for giving me so much time. After getting home from my appointment, I resumed. It was then the scale of what I had to do in order to get the bar ready for use hit me. On the face of it, there wasn't much, but I've been quite anal when it's come to the details and I haven't rushed any of the build so far so why start now?  I contacted our friends at lunchtime and with apologies, cancelled them.

I immediately felt the pressure lift and was able to proceed at my own pace.  The rest of the afternoon went really well and I actually got it finished at about 5pm.  My wife came home from work and seemed very very impressed by what I'd achieved. So did I, actually.  She suggested that our friends still visited, but didn't stay the night.  I'd had zero time to get bedrooms sorted for them, so that was my only concern by that point. Earlier on, I'd felt completely overwhelmed by the thought of "having" to entertain - which is daft.  They're a lovely couple and we get on so well with each other, so my feelings made no real sense.  Anyway, they arrived at about 7:30 and we had a great evening together.

Allow me to present.... Bar François

Yesterday (Saturday), I took my wife and son in to Manchester as they had tickets to watch Strictly Come Dancing at the arena. My sister in law, niece, nephew and mother in law also attended.  I took my camera with me, with the intention of parking up somewhere just outside the city and wandering round, taking photographs.  I dropped them off, and had a drive round a few locations to look for inspiration.  I found none.  Plus, it was a bit chilly, so I decided to stay in the car and watch my beloved Everton play Bournemouth instead!  Everton won 6-3.  It was a great game to watch. 

When their show had finished, we met up in Manchester and went to Frankie and Benny's for some food and there ended a lovely day out for everyone. 

Thinking about my day, all I did was drive, watch football and eat out, nothing majorly special, but I really enjoyed being out. Being somewhere other than Wigan.  I love Wigan, but it was nice to go somewhere else for a change. 

Today is Sunday, and as we did a fortnight ago, we've decided to have a family walk over to Sainsbury's later today. Again - not the most exciting thing in the world, but it's the little details that make me happy.  

This week, I am looking forward to my first counselling session and my regular weekly appointment with my GP.  I might even clean out our hot tub and bring it back in to service for the first time in several months.  I'm also going to try and get out on my bike this week. My wife bought me a new seat for Christmas, so I think that needs trying out.

I'm so relieved that I've been able to sit and write this blog post.  I have felt so anxious this last week, that my ability to empty my head on to my keyboard had gone.  I've lost count of how many times I've said, or thought, that the way I'm thinking about things recently is weird - but it is.  I still feel that I'm not me, but less so compared to the way I've felt in the last week.

I can't wait to go to Clover Spa.

Bye for now.