Rihanna

Work work work work work, as the incredibly sexy Barbadian once sang (chanted?).

Following my visit to my brilliant GP on Friday, she advised me to stop taking the anti depressant medication completely.  Since reducing it to every other day, the effect it had on me was negligible.  "It's like a placebo", she said.  I took this on board - and ceased.  The last one I took was Thursday.

I have been studying me closely ever since and have observed the following:-

• I'm driving slightly more aggressively. Not dangerously, but certainly more like I "used" to drive, before I ever took medication.  
• I'm more "involved". I want to socialise more, both with friends and with my immediate family.

Now, the feelings that I'm having don't seem to make any sense because the tablets I was taking (I thought) were there to make me happier, yet I (think) I feel better not having them.  

Trying to analyse yet further, I wonder if it's the fact that I now have an outlet to speak to a professional - I wonder if it's that which has lightened my load. And partially - acceptance. Acceptance that I am ill, but - I'm getting better.  Acceptance that it's ok to not be as strong as I think I need to be. Acceptance that I have a loving family and friends around me who care.

I've just spoken with our friends from Blackpool and they're going to come down and spend the evening with us on Saturday. My children will be here that weekend, too, and as such, I'm really really looking forward to that. 

I've also been in touch with one of my close colleagues from work and I'm going to go and visit him in Skem this coming week, too. He's got some brewaria that he no longer wants and thought I might want it for our bar - which I do!  Work is the biggest hurdle for me now. The thought of going back worries me, but I know I have to do it.  

Right, I'm off for a vodka and lemonade and some pork scratchings! I don't always eat this healthily, by the way.... ;-)