Towards the end of 2016, I became increasingly aware that I wasn't getting enough sleep. I did my best to self manage this by trying to change when, where and how long I slept for, but nothing seemed to work. Between the morning of the 4th January 2017, and the morning of the 6th January, I estimate I had no more than 4 hours sleep. It literally felt like the lack of sleep was killing me. I admitted defeat, and made an appointment with my GP surgery.
The Doctor who saw me was quite remarkable. I hadn't seen her before but, you know when you can just tell someone really cares about what they do - well, that was her. She listened to me pleading for help with my sleep pattern. I explained how I've worked crazy shifts for over 13 years and generally, I've been ok with my sleeping.
She went on to ask me all kinds of questions about lifestyle, drink, drugs, etc., the usual stuff. She then asked me if it was ok if she asked some very personal questions. I'm a very honest and open person, so I said it was fine. The questions she asked me, or rather, the answers I gave to the questions she asked me - shook me to my core. I'd barely got over accepting that I'd given the answers I had, when she said to me "I think you're suffering with severe anxiety and depression". I was floored.
That's not me. I'm not the type of person who suffers with depression. I'm stronger than that. I'm able to manage me. All this and more was flooding my train of thought as my doctor was talking to me. It's hard, but sometimes, just pausing and taking a step back to look at yourself is tremendously important. Only then can you really see what's happening - and to me - it was depression.
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