When I visited my GP yesterday, she spent such a long time talking to me about coping with my illness. I talked to her about losing my mum when I was 13. She told me that she is a practising Christian and she is able to use her religion to diffuse anger and overcome adverse situations. I told her I used to be an altar boy when I was younger but said that I had long since given up on my religion. My mum was 2nd only to the pope in terms of being dead religious. She did so much for and with the church, I can't even begin to compile a list. So - how can someone who gives so much be taken away from her husband, 6 year old daughter and 13 year old son? How is that fair? It's a fucking despicable way to treat someone who has given so much. And, whilst not exclusively, that is a major contributing factor to me renouncing my religion.
I still have anger. I am snappy. Short tempered, short fused. Call it what you will. We spoke for a long time, and, once again with reluctance but also with assurances that it's for the best, my GP prescribed me some anti-depressants. Now this - frightens me. I've never taken recreational, mind-altering drugs and even though these are legal and prescribed, that's how I see them. They are designed to increase the levels of serotonin in my brain and make me generally be a bit more laid back and happier. On the face of it, that is a good thing, but the thought of taking them really scares me. Honestly - I'm not even sure I'm going to. I should, I know I should, but right now, I'm battling with myself over whether or not I can.
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