Positivity

I can't remember why I didn't write a post on Wednesday. But I do know why I didn't write one yesterday - I was absolutely off my tits.

The medication that my GP has prescribed made me feel so.... weird. But the weirdness came in waves. I was like a zombie then perfectly lucid. Tired, dizzy and clamping my jaw shut so much I was worried I was going to damage my teeth.  I woke up in the night in that exact state of jaw clamping and I can tell you - that took some thinking through at 4am.  Why is my jaw so tight? Relax - relax.... Then a few minutes later - it's tight again.  Most bizarre indeed. It still happens now and I'm worried it's going to become habitual, rather than as a consequence of the medication I'm on.

I have been back to see my GP again this morning.  In fact - we spoke about this very blog.  She made a note of the address and has promised to read it.  That's a bit odd for me, knowing that she's going to read these words, but I'll try and not let it change what I write, or how I write (sorry for the swear words!)

This blog is a release for me.  Once I've got an appointment to speak to someone professionally, I'm sure my need to update this will subside, just like my need to visit the counsellor did once I knew I was "better" all those years ago.

I need to try and be positive about things. Taking inspiration from Gemma's "The Attitude of Gratitude" Facebook group, I will try and find ten things a day for which I am grateful.

1. Our kitchen is a mess and I need to clean it. I am grateful that we have a lovely kitchen, in which we can prepare food to feed ourselves and those we love.
2. I am going to Wales this afternoon to collect my children for the weekend.  I am grateful to have a reliable car to get us there and back safely.
3. Today, we will see my eldest daughter for the first time since before Christmas. She is pregnant.  I am grateful for the gift of life. 
4. I am grateful that we have been able to book a weekend away at Clover Spa in April. It's a naturist hotel and one of the few places where I feel completely relaxed.
5. I am grateful for the love and support that my wife has, and continues to show me. It means everything. 
6. I am grateful for my GP. She has gone above and beyond anything I could have expected. She has taken so much time to listen to me, to get to know me and to understand me. I am very grateful indeed.
7. I am grateful for my technology skills. I have successfully built a multi room audio system using Raspberry Pi's. 
8. I am grateful to the post lady who has just delivered a letter from the counselling service asking me to ring a number to make an appointment. I will do exactly that right now - hang on a minute, please......
9. I am grateful for telephone answering machines. Without them, I wouldn't have been able to leave a message for the counselling people to ring me back.
10. I am grateful for Bluetooth. I will have an earpiece in my ear hole as I drive to and from Wales this afternoon. Hopefully, I will use it to speak to the counselling people!

That's enough gratitude for one day. With hindsight, I think I'll carry on doing five things a day. Ten seems like too many, once it's all written down.

Anyways, I am going to go and clean the kitchen and start to prepare tonight's meal.

Until next time...